6 jokes about tracks
were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks.
The first blonde said: "These look like deer tracks."
And the other one said: "No they look like moose tracks."
They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train
A passenger train
is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor
walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow
Within five minutes, however, it stops again.
The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
came up behind her husband
while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head.
"I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the dog
track? That was the name of the dog I bet on."
The next morning, his wife
snuck up on him and smacked him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of religious service when she was startled by an intruder.4 Proposal
As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2: 38! Turn from your sin!"
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. Then the woman immediately called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38s!"
One day, the Pope is visiting America and driving around Washington in his limo when he gets an idea.3
"Driver? Can I drive for a while?"
"Sure," says the driver. How can you say no to the Pope?
So the Pope takes the wheel and starts driving like a maniac all around Washington - dodging in and out of traffic, going eighty, cutting people off. Soon, a cop pulls him over. But when the Pope rolls down the window, the cop stops dead in his tracks, and goes back to the car.
"We got somebody really important here," he says to his partner.
"Who is it? Is it a senator?"
"No. More important."
"No. More important."
"An ambassador? Who?"
"I don't know. But the Pope is his driver."