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The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision:

1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that even rats won't do.

7    


keys
In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving for a crusade and called one of his squires: "I'm leaving for the crusade.
Here is the key to my wife's chastity belt. If, in 10 years, I haven't returned, you may use the key as I'm sure she will have needs."

The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe. He takes one last look at his castle and sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, "Stop! Stop! Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the wrong key."

9    


An airliner is coming into land at an airport obscured by fog. Visibility is practically nil, the ILS system is on the blink, so the pilot has to land on wits alone. "Flaps, check," he says to the copilot, "Landing Gear, check. Altitude, check. Right, we're going in. Hold on." The plane lands and comes to a screeching, grinding halt; just short of the edge of the runway. "Holy Cow!" exclaims the pilot, "This must be the shortest runway I've ever landed on!" The copilot looks left and right and says "Yeah, and about the widest, too ..."

10    


Proposal

A customer at a supermarket asked Ranjeet, the shelf packer if he could buy half a cucumber.

Ranjeet, went to his boss and told him: "There is an idiot who wants 1/2 a cucumber".

Unfortunately the customer had followed him and was standing right behind him. When Ranjeet realised this, he quickly added "Oh and this gentleman wants the other 1/2".

Later the boss said he was very impressed by his fast thinking and asked him where he came from.

"I come from Chatsworth" Ranjeet replied and quickly added "Nothing much comes from there except musicians and prostitutes."

To which the boss said: "Oh really? My wife comes from Chatsworth".

The quick response from Ranjeet was: "Is that so? What instrument does she play?"

2    


Proposal

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES - $50.00."

A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just then, another car passed with a sign saying, "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."

The two ladies frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day the cop noticed the same two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. This time the sign read: "TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER - $50.00."

2    



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