How do you get a man to do sit-ups?9 Man Jokes
Put the remote control between his toes.
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?18 Man Jokes
The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
The following is a (supposedly) true story, as seen by millions of viewers on a Spanish T.V. Channel:11 Dog Jokes
The parents of a teenage girl decided to put their daughter's name forward for a surprise game show. She idolized teen-age pop star Ricky Martin, and they arranged for TV cameras to be placed throughout the house. The house was then left empty with Ricky Martin hidden in the wardrobe in the girl's bedroom - all set to give the daughter a wonderful surprise.
However, upon returning home from school and finding the house empty, the daughter made her way down to the kitchen where she opened the fridge and removed a tin of pate - at this stage the live TV audience is wondering, "What the hell is going on?"
She then went back upstairs to her bedroom where she proceeded to remove all her clothes and spread pate all over her triangle of womanhood (at this stage Ricky Martin is still hidden inside the wardrobe, and half of Spain is seeing a young girl stark naked on the bed with pate all over her crotch).
As if the parents were not shocked enough by this, the daughter then calls the family dog, who obediently trots up the stairs and settles down to his favorite meal of "pate on a bed of seaweed". At this stage the order is given to cut the broadcast, leaving a very embarrassed set of parents in front of a live studio audience! Consequently, sales of tinned pate have rocketed.
There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.22 Money Jokes
The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."
The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."
The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."
The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money and decided to marry the one with the biggest breasts.
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.23 Shopping JokesNext page Jokes
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."