Television jokes

Two blondes were in a bar watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge that was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said Betty.

"Bet you $10 he won't," replied Amber. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second blonde hands the first her money.

"I can't take your money," said Betty. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news."

"No, no. Take it," said Amber. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

After spending all day watching football, Harry fell asleep in front of the TV and spent the whole night in the chair. In the morning, his wife woke him up.

"Get up dear," she said, "it's 20 to seven."

He awoke with a start and said, "In who's favor?"

A blonde walks into a shop and gets one of the staff to help her find a TV. She finds one and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"

Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"

Blonde: "Wait here!" She runs of, dyes her hair black and comes back in and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"

Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"

Now the blonde is getting confused so she goes and dyes her hair red and comes back in and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"

Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"

Blonde: "Why do you keep on calling me a blonde?"

Staff guy: "Because that's not a TV that's a microwave!"

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?

Put the remote control between his toes.

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?

The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.