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A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"

The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"

The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."

To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"

27     sex jokes


The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living.

One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.

When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said "My mom's a whore."

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned.

So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?"

Johnny said, "Yes."

"Well, what did the principal say?"

"He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me a pocket full of lollies and asked for my phone number ..."

49     Little Johnny jokes


The psychology teacher had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the students. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the teacher asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

14     psychology jokes


The teacher asked Little Johnny: "How can you prove the earth is round?"

Little Johnny replied: "I can't. Besides, I never said it was."

33     Earth jokes


A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem.

The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby ... if I can, and I think I can."

The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can ... and I think can!"

43     Little Johnny jokes






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