Taxi jokes

4 jokes about taxis


A passenger taps a taxi drivers on his shoulder. The driver shits himself with shock, swerves nearly hitting a bus and stops inches from a shop window.

"Fuck-me, your jumpy aren't yer, I only tapped your shoulder" says the passenger.

"Sorry," says the cabby, "It's my first day. I've been driving a Hearse for 20 years."

53     → Joke

Speaking of airports in Germany, the one servicing the Hamburg area is known to be staffed by a rather snooty ground control crew. They expect you to know exactly where to go and what to do, which may lead to frustration on the part of aircraft captains new to the route. This is the account of one such flight in particular, concerning a senior captain ...

"Tower, British Airways one-seven, completed rollout, awaiting further instructions."

"British Airways one-seven, this is Hamburg ground, clear to taxi to Gate Seven."

"Roger, Hamburg ground, request directions to Gate Seven."

"British Airways one-seven, have you never been to Hamburg before?"

"Yes, a number of times, Hamburg ground, in 1944, but we did not stop!"

14     → Joke


Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.

After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot!"

2     → Joke


A man goes to see his doctor because his wife hasn't had sex with him for 3 months. The doctor tells him to have his wife come visit him and so he does. The doctor asks the wife why she hasn't had sex with the man in so long. She tells the doctor that she has to take the taxi ever since her car broke down and she hardly ever has money to pay so the taxi driver asks her to questions, one being or what so she always takes the or what. When she gets to work late her boss asks if he has to fire her or what and she takes the or what. When she goes home it's the same thing again with the taxi driver. The doctor stares at her and asks, "Do I have to tell your husband or what?"

0     → Joke