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Swim jokes

13 jokes about swims



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There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde: “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”

17     blonde jokes


What's yellow and can't swim?

A bulldozer!

10     bulldozer jokes


Three men are trapped on an island. They find a genie's lamp and agree they will each get a wish.

The first man wishes he was 25% smarter, then he swims off the island.

The second man wishes he was 50% smarter, then he cut down the tree, made a boat, and rowed off the island.

The third man wished he was 100% smarter, then he walked across the bridge.

47     man jokes


A CEO throwing a party takes his executives on a tour of his opulent mansion. In the back of the property, the CEO has the largest swimming pool any of them has ever seen. The huge pool, however, is filled with hungry alligators. The CEO says to his executives "I think an executive should be measured by courage. Courage is what made me CEO. So this is my challenge to each of you: if anyone has enough courage to dive into the pool, swim through those alligators, and make it to the other side, I will give that person anything they desire. My job, my money, my house, anything!"

Everyone laughs at the outrageous offer and proceeds to follow the CEO on the tour of the estate. Suddenly, they hear a loud splash. Everyone turns around and sees the CFO (Chief Financial Officer) in the pool, swimming for his life. He dodges the alligators left and right and makes it to the edge of the pool with seconds to spare. He pulls himself out just as a huge alligator snaps at his shoes.

The flabbergasted CEO approaches the CFO and says, "You are amazing. I've never seen anything like it in my life. You are brave beyond measure and anything I own is yours. Tell me what I can do for you." The CFO, panting for breath, looks up and says, "You can tell me who the hell pushed me in the pool!!"

42     CEO jokes


An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long aligator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the aligator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

30     shoe jokes






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