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walks into a bar
and demands to know "Who's the strongest in here?"
The toughest guy looks at him and says "I am the strongest around here!"
The other guy politely asks "Can you help me push my car
to the gas station?"
Remember, when someone annoys
you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, but it only takes four muscles to extend your arm and smack the asshole in the head.
What not to say to the nice policeman
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.2
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.
The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.
Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments.
They were also puzzled, the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.
Finally, the banker said: "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up his strength and then weakly said: "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."