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Street jokes

24 jokes about streets



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When I was in London a few months ago, I was approached by a prostitute as I left a club on one of the back streets of Soho. Mainly interested in checking the rate of exchange I assure you, I asked: "How much?"

"It'll cost ya twenty quid" replied the tart.

"American Express?" I inquired.

She gave me an appraising look and said: "You can go as fast as you like" .

19     → Joke


Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?

The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

26     → Joke


One day, a blind man and his dog are walking down a street, they come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and his dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, and offers it to the dog.

A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."

28     → Joke


Proposal

Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fire. A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her cat in her arms.

"Hey, lady", yells Larry, "Throw me the cat!"

"No," she cries, "It's too far!"

"I play football. I can catch him!"

The smoke is pouring from the windows. The woman kisses her cat goodbye and tosses it down to the street.

Larry keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and he runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one-handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers.

Larry does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.

9     → Joke


The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks: "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motorhome with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt ... so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants ... so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts ... so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to downtown cowboy ...'. And here I am."

20     → Joke


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