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Straight - 18 jokes



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Proposal

Why did the cheese make straight "A's" in school? He was a cut above the rest.     ~ Bill Gates O Hell

1     Short jokes


A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked: "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied: "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law? I'll lose my licence! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: "You didn't tell me you had a prescription!"

10     prescription jokes


One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems ok, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

23     fart jokes


What's the difference between a man and a messy room?

You can straighten up a messy room.

14     man jokes


Proposal

A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy drinks it down in one.

"Wow", says the bartender, "Something bad must happened".

"I came home early today," answered the guy, "went up to the bedroom, and there was my wife having sex with my best friend!"

The bartender pours the dude another triple shot. "This one's on the house". The guy gulps it down once again. The bartender asks "Did you say anything to your wife?"

The guy answers: "Yea, I walked up to her, told her we're through, pack your bag's and get out, I told her!"

"What about your friend?" asks the bartender.

"I looked him straight in the eye and said: Bad Dog!"

6     Short jokes






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