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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: "What's that?"

Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"

Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."

24     Condom Jokes


A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there.

The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?"

"Yes, I was a salesman in the country" said the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up."

The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?"

"One" said the young salesman.

"Only one" blurted the boss, "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth?"

"Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars," said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well" said the salesman "this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big one. I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast. I said he would probably need a boat, so I took him down to the boat department and sold him that twenty foot schooner with the twin engines. Then he said his Volkswagen probably wouldn't be able to pull it, so I took him to the car department and sold him the new Deluxe Cruiser."

The boss took two steps back and asked in astonishment, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fish hook?"

"No" answered the salesman "He came in to buy a box of Tampons for his wife and I said to him, You're weekend's shot, you may as well go fishing."

20     Salesman Jokes


Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to a sex therapist who promised to only take their case if he knew he could help them. After hours of tests, he agreed he could help. He told them to stop at the store on the way home and buy donuts and grapes. Mrs. Smith was to toss the donuts at Mr.Smith's erection and eat the ones that stayed on. Mr.Smith was to roll the grapes across the floor and eat the ones that became lodged in Mrs. Smith's love canal.

A few weeks later, the Jones came to see the doctor. "Our friends the Smiths told us to come to you." they said.

The doctor ran the tests and came back to the Jonses. He told them he was sorry but there was just nothing he could do. The Jonses said "You helped the Smiths, why won't you help us?"

After continued begging from the Jonses, the doc said "ok, ok ... stop by the market on the way home and buy a box of Cheerios and a bag of oranges."

21     Sex Jokes


A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife "sleepily" sat up and said, "Honey, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, honey," he said. Feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the pharmacist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?"

"Yeah, sure. So?" said the officer.

"Well, what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?"

18     Woman Jokes


Judi and Jon got married and she was at the drugstore looking at the men's toiletries. A clerk comes up to help her and asks if she needs assistance.

"I'm looking for some deodorant for my new husband Jon, but I don't know what type he uses."

The clerk says, "Is it the ball type?"

"No," says Judi, it's for his underarms."

18     Deodorant Jokes






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