along the expressway listening to the radio when she hears a song she really, really likes. When the song is over the announcer says the title of the record was, "Hot Lips and Tender Kisses
When she gets home she's very excited about the new song and decides to call her local music
store to see if they have the record. Hurriedly, and excitedly, she dials the store's number. But in her excitement, she unknowingly misdialed and got an auto repair shop instead.
"Hello," the mechanic
"Oh, yes! Do you have Hot Lips and Tender Kisses?" the girl asks.
The mechanic was puzzled, but says, "Well, no, but I've got hot pants and seven inches."
"Oh, is that a record?" she says.
"No," he says, "but it's better than average."
Elton John wasn't the only one who composed a song for Diana
1) Roxette - "Crash! Boom! Bang!"
2) Michael Jackson - "Blood on the dashboard!"
is up on stage with U2 doing a gig at Wembley, when the song finishes he starts to slowly clap
his hands and says into the microphone: "Every time I clap my hands a child in Africa dies!"
A voice near the front of the stage shouts to bono in a Irish
accent: "Well stop fucking clapping then!"
was completing a temperance sermon
: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer
in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river
With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine
in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."
And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.
The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"
You are on the bus when you suddenly realize you need to fart.2
The music on the bus is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After A couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and looking really angry. That's when you remember you've been listening to your ipod.