159 jokes about sons
37 → JokeProposal
A young man
was hired by a supermarket
and reported for his first day of work
. The manager
greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, then gave him a broom
"Son, your first job
will be to sweep
out the store."
"But I'm a college
graduate," the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.15 → Joke
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you."
27 → Joke
Patty loves to drink at the local bar
, but his wife
disapproves of this. One night, he's at the bar and he gets extremely drunk
. He tries to stand up, but immedeatly falls to the floor. He tries this a few more times, but each time he falls to the floor. People offered to help him, but he said no each time. He finally ended up dragging himself home and sneaking into bed, thinking his wife would never catch him.
The next morning, Patty's wife says, "Patty, you son of a bitch
! You were at the bar last night drinking
Patty was confused. "How did you find out?"
"The bar called. You left your wheelchair
36 → JokeProposal
A young man
with a wild and multi-coloured hairstyle sits next to an old man on a park bench. The old man stares at the young man.
"What's the matter, old man?" says the young man. "Never done anything crazy
in your life?"
The old man replies: "Yeah. When I was in the Navy
, I got really drunk one night and had sex
with a parrot
. I thought you might be my son."
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.9 → Joke
The first Catholic man tells his friends: "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father."
The second Catholic man chirps: "My son is a bishop. When he walks into a room people call him Your Grace."
The third Catholic gent says: "My son is a cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says Your Eminence."
The fourth Catholic man chirps: "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him Your Holiness."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?"
She replies: "I have a gorgeous daughter. When she walks into a room, people say,... Oh God!"