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Son jokes

144 jokes about sons



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Proposal

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."
Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

10     → Joke


Three girls are at work, and their female boss is leaving early for the day. The brunette also suggests to leave early as there boss will not notice. So that afternoon, they all leave early.

One spends time with her son and enjoys her time off.

The redhead does her gardening and has an early night.

The blonde goes home and hears sounds in her bedroom, she walks upstairs quietly open her bedroom door and finds her boss in bed with her hubby, shuts the door and leaves the house.

On next day, the brunette goes on asking: "Shall we leave early again today?" The blonde says: "No way I nearly got caught!

32     → Joke


The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

"Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any."

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety three."

"Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said:

"It's easy, I just outlived the bitches."

50     → Joke


Proposal

So the baby snake says to its mom: "Mom, are we poisonous?"

And the mommy snakes says, "Why do you ask?"

The baby replies, "Because I just bit my tongue."

7     → Joke


Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don't know what Politics is."

Father: "Well, let's take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we'll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let's call you The People. We'll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"

Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it."

That night awakened by his brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.

The next morning he reported to his father.

Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."

Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"

Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of Shit."

47     → Joke



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