How do you get a viola section to play spiccato?4 Viola Jokes
Write a whole note with "solo" above it.
How do you get a violist to play a passage pianissimo tremolando?2 Violist Jokes
Mark it "solo".
Why is a viola solo like premature ejaculation?16 Viola Jokes
Because even when you know it's coming, there's nothing you can do about it.
Why is a viola solo like a bomb?9 Viola Jokes
By the time you hear it, it's too late to do anything about it.
A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant.24 Marriage JokesNext page Jokes
"So," said the counsellor, "you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally."
The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?"
"Yes," said the counsellor. "He gets $2,000. You get $2,000."
"What about my furniture? I paid for that."
"Same thing," answered the counsellor. "Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen."
There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye. "What about our three children?"
That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer. "Go back and live together until your fourth
child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two."
The wife shook her head. "No, I'm sure that wouldn't work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn't have the three I got."