13 jokes about soldiers
A soldier ran up to a Nun
. Out of breath he asked: "Please, may I hide under your skirt I'll explain later."
The nun accepted his request.
A moment later, two Military Police ran up and asked: "Sister have you seen a soldier?"
The nun replied: "He went that way."
After the MP's ran off, the soldier crawled out under her skirt and said, 'I can't thank you enough Sister. I hope you will understand, "I don't want to go to Iraq
The nun said: "I understand completely".
The soldier added: "I hope I am not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!"
The nun replied: "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of ballsI don't want to go to Iraq either."
: "Soldier, do you have change
for a dollar
Soldier: "Sure, buddy
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper
he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist
concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."
A battle weary American
soldier boarded a crowded train
in London during the early days of post-WWII, only to discover he was unable to find a place to sit. As he walked the length of the train, he noticed a small white dog
curled up on one of the seats. A large, well dressed woman sat in the seat next to the dog. The man hovered near the seat, hoping the woman would take the hint, but she pointedly ignored him.
"Excuse me, Ma'am," the soldier finally spoke, "Is this your dog? Would you mind holding it on your lap so that I may sit down?"
The woman raised her icy gaze to the young man and said in a haughty British accent, "oh! You Americans. You are so rude.
Fluffy is in that seat, and i see no reason why she should give up her comfort for you."
The exhausted soldier nodded, picked up the small dog ... leaned over ... opened the window of the moving train and tossed the dog out. The woman gaped and spluttered in horrified indignation, and the man sitting across from her lowered his newspaper.
"You Americans", he said, "You drive on the wrong side of the road ... you eat with the wrong fork ... and you just threw the wrong bitch
out the window."
At one Army
base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness
test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot
, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"