Small Jokes
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A pilot is flying a small, single-engine, charter plane with a couple of really important executives on board into Seattle airport. There is fog so thick that visibility is 40 feet, and his instruments are out. He circles looking for a landmark and after an hour, he is low on fuel and his passengers are very nervous. At last, through a small opening in the fog he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. Circling, the pilot banks and shouts through his open window: "Hey, where am I?". The solitary office worker replies: "You're in an airplane.". The pilot immediately executes a swift 275 degree turn and executes a perfect blind landing on the airport's runway five miles away. Just as the plane stops, the engines cough and die from lack of fuel. The stunned passengers ask the pilot how he did it. "Elementary," replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100% correct but absolutely useless; therefore, I knew that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is three minutes away on a course of 87 degrees."

21     Microsoft Jokes


"Doc, you've gotta help me. My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"

"Look, I can't prescribe ..."

"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to Hell! You've got to help me."

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental, the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? JUST one."

"I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold ..."

"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

"Um ... okay."

Our hero expresses gratitude, and departs for home, where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. Our hero, in fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then an inspiration strikes: he drops one pill into his own coffee.

His wife returns with the shortcake, and they enjoy their dessert and coffee, our hero with poorly concealed anticipation. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange smoky look enters her eyes. In a deep, throaty, near-whisper, in a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, "I ... need ... a man ..."

His eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me ... too ..."

21     Sex Jokes


How are men and parking spaces alike?

The good ones are always taken and the free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

11     Man Jokes


Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?

Yes, your bladder.

20     Bladder Jokes


Proposal

A tramp walks in a bar. ‘Get out’ says the barman. ‘If I can show you a cool trick can I stay and have a pint’ ‘Okay’ says the barman.
The Tramp pulls a hamster out of his pocket and a small piano. He puts them on the bar and the hamster starts playing the piano.
‘Wow! that’s amazing here’s a pint anymore tricks’ says the barman.
The Tramp pulls a frog out of his pocket puts it on the bar and it starts to sing.
A man seeing this offers the tramp £300 for the frog. ‘Ok’ says the tramp. He takes the frog and goes. ‘What u do that for a singing frog is worth far more than that. ‘Not really’ says the tramp
‘Why not?’ says the barman
The tramp replies ‘The hamster is a ventriloquist’     ~ The Tramp

5     Short jokes






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