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Sleep jokes

45 jokes about sleep



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There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side.

His eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again.

His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said: "You're cute!"

Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."

She said: "What happened to 'beautiful'?"

He replied: "The drugs are wearing off!"

16     lawyer jokes


Proposal

A young boy asks his dad: "What's the difference between theorectically and realistically?"

"Well son, go and ask your mother if she would sleep with the postman for $1million ..."

The little boy asks his mum and then goes back to his dad: "She said yes ..."

"Now go and ask your sister if she would sleep with the milkman for $2million ..."

The little boy asks his sister: "She said yes, but whats the difference between theoretically and realistically?"

"Well son, theorectically we are sitting on $3million ... realistically we are living with a couple of slags!"

8     Short jokes


A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50!" figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer: "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the
Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his coworkers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $50. The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what is the answer!?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

15     blonde jokes


It was a hot summer day, and the old courthouse was just as hot. The air was thick and humid, and the jury was having a hard time staying focused. One of the jurors succumbed to the heat, falling asleep just as the victim was being questioned by the prosecutor.

"The defendant is accused of making obscene phone calls to your home. Would you please tell the jury precisely what the defendant said when he called you," asked the prosecutor.

"I can't do that," the victim replied. "It was so crude and disgusting. I can't use language like that."

"Would it help to just write it down?"

The victim wrote out every detail of what the obscene caller had said, and passed the note to the judge. The judge read the note. It was then passed to the prosecutor, the defense attorney, and finally to the jury.

The sleeping juror was seated at the back corner of the jury box, and was the last to receive the note. He was awoken with a nudge from an attractive young juror, seated next to him, and she passed him the note. He read it, gazed in awe at the woman, and read it again. He turned to her, smiling broadly, and winked. He then put the note into his pocket.

The judge demanded, "Please pass that note to the bailiff."

"But your honor," the juror protested, "It's a private matter."

26     court jokes


Teacher: "Why were you late?"

Pupil: "Sorry, I overslept."

Techer: "You mean you need to sleep at home too!"

3     pupil jokes






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