Sitting - 60 jokes
16 → Joke
were on the way to prison
. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.
On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail
Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."
The third convict, a blonde
man, was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
The guy pulled out a box of tampons
and smiled. He said "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do with those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said - "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating ..."
12 → Joke
A young businessman
had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office
and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone
and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
9 → Joke
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel
was sitting at his desk when an airman
knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone
, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone,
, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone
9 → Joke
I came out of a shop munching on a huge pork
was sitting on the pavement, he looked up at me and said: "I have not eaten for 3 days!"
I said: "I wish i had your willpower
17 → Joke
The Perfect Breakfast
As a Man
You’re sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of Wheaties, your mistress
is on the cover of Playboy
, and your wife
is on the back of the milk carton.