Sitting - 59 jokes
12 → Joke
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said: "I call my husband
the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed: "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked: "Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said: "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
11 → Joke
A working-class man who has been going steady with his upper class girlfriend for about a month is asked to have dinner
with the girlfriends parents. They live in this huge mansion house in the country with servents and butlers etc, and everything is very very posh. Before dinner, he and his girlfriends parents are sitting in the drawing room, indulging in a bit of idle lighthearted hat before dinner, and everyone is laughing at his jokes and he is rather pleased with himself.
So, the time comes for dinner, and they are all sitting around this huge dinner table enjoying a 9-course banquet. But about two-thirds through the meal the guy has *really* got to fart. He asks to be excused to go to the bathroom, and asks for instructions on how to get there, and they give him a load of directions, and by the time he has spent around 5 minutes walking around corridors he is busting for a fart. He spots a window in the hallway he is in, and a split second thought crosses his mind. He runs over to the window, opens it, pokes his butt through the hole and lets out a massive earth rumbling wiffy fart. He closes the window and makes his way back to the dinner table rather pleased with his little idea (not to mention his farting
When he returns, the three others are eating in silence. He slips into his seat opposite his girlfriend, leans over and says "This is all going rather well, isn't it?"
Turning to him with a stern face his girlfriend uttered, "Everything was going fine, until you farted through the serving hatch!"
15 → Joke
A young businessman
had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office
and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone
and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
18 → Joke
, a brunette
, and a redhead all work for a construction crew. One day, they were on their lunch
break, sitting on a beam thirty stories high. They all note that they've had the same lunch for as long as they were on the job. They agreed if they opened their lunchboxes and found the same lunch, they would all hurl themselves off the beam.
The next day, the police are investigating the scene where the three women
fell. When the police asked the husbands
of the women, the brunette and the redhead's husbands both said, "If I had known, I would have given her something different." However, the blonde's husband said, "Don't look at me, she packs her own lunch."
21 → JokeNext page Back to home
The Perfect Breakfast
As a Man
You’re sitting at the table and your son is on the cover of Wheaties, your mistress
is on the cover of Playboy
, and your wife
is on the back of the milk carton.