Sitting - 58 jokes
11 → Joke
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said: "I call my husband
the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed: "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked: "Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said: "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."
19 → Joke
were on the way to prison
. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.
On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail
Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"
The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."
The third convict, a blonde
man, was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"
The guy pulled out a box of tampons
and smiled. He said "I brought these."
The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do with those?"
He grinned and pointed to the box and said - "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating ..."
14 → Joke
A young businessman
had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office
and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone
and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."
18 → Joke
A man is sitting at the bar
in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey
. One of his friends
happens to come into the bar and sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink
before. What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife
just ran off with my best friend."
He then throws back another shot of whisky
in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs,
"Not anymore! ... He is!"
14 → JokeNext page Back to home
There was a blonde
driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water
The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde: “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt