Sitting - 59 jokes
17 → Joke9 → Joke
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and Bill Gates all died in a plane crash and went to meet their maker.
The supreme deity turned to Al and asked: "Tell what is important about yourself." Al responded that he felt that the earth was the ultimate importance and that protecting the earth's ecological system was most important. God
looked to Al and said, "I like the way you think, come and sit at my left hand."
God then asked Bill Clinton what he revered most. Bill Clinton responded that he felt people and their personal choices were most important. God responded, "I like the way you think, come and sit at my right hand."
God then turned to Bill Gates, who was staring at him indignantly. God asked "What is your problem Bill Gates?" Bill Gates responded "I think you are sitting in my chair!"
76 → Joke
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish
He was saying, "Dam
fish for sale, dam fish for sale."
walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish."
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that."
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!"
65 → Joke
A lonely woman
, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old
woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man
smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Physics Teacher40 → JokeNext page Back to home
: "Isaac Newton
was sitting under a tree when an apple
fell on his head and he discovered gravity
. Isn't that wonderful?"Student
: "Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books
like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything."