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"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

33     marriage jokes


Proposal

Two gay guys are shopping at a store. The one gay guy starts wiggling his butt. His partner looks at him and says, "What's wrong honey?" The other says, "It feels like there's something stuck up my ass." The other says, "Well let's go home and I'll check." They get home and he drops his pants and bends over. The other gay guy sticks his hand in his butthole up to his wrist and feels around. "Nope, nothing there!" The other guy says, "Oh just go in farther, I can still feel it there." So he sticks his arm in up to his elbow and feels around. "Still nothing!" Then the other says, "You almost had it, just a little farther!" So he jams his arm up the poopchute to his shoulder and feels something!" He draws out his arm and looks, in the palm of his hand is a wrist watch! The other guy starts singing, "Happy birthday to you....."     ~ bill gates o hell

3     Short jokes


A little girl goes to see Santa Claus at the local shopping mall. When she arrives and sits down on Santa's lap Santa asks "What do you want for Christmas little girl?".

"I want a Barbie and a GI Joe" says the little girl.

"But Barbie comes with Ken" Santa says,

"No, Barbie only 'cums' with GI Joe!"

27     Santa Claus jokes






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