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Shit jokes

33 jokes about shit



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Proposal

The pre-school teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"

The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?"

Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."

"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."

Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."

The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."

Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"

The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"

Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely shit my pants."

3     → Joke


One night, after a long evening of drinking, Jim was thrown out of the bar as usual. On his way home he spotted a nun walking down the road.

After looking at her twice he ran over and tackled her, then proceeded to beat the living shit out of her.

Some people passing by spotted this and called the police.

As the police were pulling him away in handcuffs he looked back and said, "I thought you'd be tougher than that, Batman."

7     → Joke


Proposal

One good thing about getting older is that multi-tasking becomes easier.

You can sneeze, piss and shit yourself all at the same time!

1     → Joke



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