277 jokes about sex
A husband pinches his wifes arse and says: "Do you know if you firm this up you could get rid of your girdle?"49 → Joke
The wife annoyed, decided to bite her tongue and say nothing.
Later that night in bed, the husband squeezed her tits and said: "Do you know, if you firmed these up you could get rid of your bra?"
Absolutely fuming, the wife reached over and grabbed his dick and said: "Well do you know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the milk man and your fucking brother?"
At a session with a marriage counselor, the wife snapped at her husband: "That's not true! I do so enjoy sex!"19 → Joke
Then, turning to the counselor, she explained: "But this animal expects it four or five times a year!"
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8:00 pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.41 → Joke
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!".
10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.22 → Joke
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.
Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.
Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!
Yo Momma is so stupid, she traded in her car for gas money!9 → Joke
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