284 jokes about sex
42 → Joke175 → Joke
The man tells his doctor
that his wife
hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband
"For the last 7 months," the wife replies, "every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, 'So are you going to pay today or what?' I always give him an 'or what'. That makes me late to work I'm late, so the boss asks me, 'So are we going to dock your salary, or what?' That's another 'or what.' On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, 'So are you going to pay this time or what?' And, again, I do an 'or what'. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more."
The doctor thinks for a second. "So," he says, "are we going to tell your husband or what?"
66 → Joke
A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents
bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh ... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The boy says, "That won't work."
His mom says, "Why?"
The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"
43 → Joke
I want to suck
you ... lick you ... wanna move my tongue all over you ... wanna feel you in my mouth ... yep, that's how you ... eat an ice cream!
61 → Joke
people get married. During the first week of marriage
, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife
decides to find a solution.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast
one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea. Now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis
one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times."
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