87 jokes about seconds
29 sex jokes
researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey
of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke
, "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered 'twice weekly'. Your wife
, on the other hand, answered 'several times a night'."
"That's right," replies the bloke, "And that's how it's going to stay until our second mortgage
is paid off."
30 chair jokes
A philosophy professor
walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair
on his desk the professor instructs the class, "Using every applicable thing you've learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST."
So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students
are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn't exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.
Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades ... and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.
His answer to the question: "What chair?"
29 urine jokesProposal
teaching medicine was giving a classoom observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid. "This," he explained, "is urine
. To be a doctor
, you have to be observant
of color, smell, sight, and taste."
After saying so, he dipped his finger
into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being the good students
that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar and my third finger into my mouth."
A grizzled old man was eating in a truck stop when three members of a motorcycle gang walked in.9 Short jokes
The first walked up to the old man and pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie, and then took a seat at the counter.
The second walked up to the old man and spat into the old man's milk, and then he took a seat at the counter.
The third walked up to the old man and turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."
29 army jokesNext page Jokessecond sayings
At an army
training camp in Florida
, the sergeant is giving a talk: "The main quality we look for in this army is commitment and this is what I call commitment." An alligator
came in the room and bit the sergeants penis
. It stayed there for about a 10 seconds then the seargent poked it in the eyes
and kicked it off.
"Now who's ready to show their commitment?" said the sergeant. A man put his hand up and said "I will, but promise you won't poke me in the eyes."