86 jokes about seconds
60 sex jokes
A lonely woman
, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old
woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man
smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
56 wife jokes
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar
talking about their lives.
The first guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE
. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK
. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE
. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck
Smile55 smile jokes
. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips
52 sex jokes
The husband says to wife
: "My Olympic condoms
have arrived. Think I will wear gold
The wife says: "Why don't you wear silver and cum fuckin second for a change?"
53 teacher jokesNext page Jokes
One day in class
brought a bag full of fruit
. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."
Of course, Johnny
raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking
." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy."Is it a peach?"Billy asks."No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking,"the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter
, but I like your thinking!"