87 jokes about seconds
21 light bulb jokesProposal
Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able take flex. But there had to be a way ...
One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to get some time off work" the man whispered.
"How?" asked the second worker.
Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles and hoisted himself up. "Look!" he hissed, then swinging his legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.
Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head's office at the far end of the floor. He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.
"I'm a light
bulb" answered the public servant.
"I think you need some time off," barked the Director. "Get out of here - that's an order - and I don't want to see you back here for at least another two days! You understand me?"
"Yes sir", the public servant answered meekly, then jumped down, logged off his computer and left.
The second worker was hot on his heels.
"Where do you think you're going?" the boss
"Home," he said lightly. "I can't work in the dark."
One day a man is watering his garden and notices two hearst drive by followed by a man, a dog and a long single file of men that could easily be a mile long.3 Short jokes
Curious he decides to talk to the man leading the way.
"Excuse me" he says "who is the person in the first hearst?""My wife" he answered.
"Sorry to hear that. How did she die?" he asked.
"My dog bit her".
"and who's in the second hearst?"
"How did she die?"
"My dog bit her."
Astonished at this the man asked "May I borrow your dog?"
"Get in line!"
5 bar jokes
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar
and asks if he could buy him a drink.
"Why of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"
"I'm from Ireland
," replies the second man.
The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."
"Of Course," replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin," comes the reply.
"I can't believe it," says the first man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin."
"Of course," replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: "What school did you go to?"
"Saint Mary's," replies the second man. "I graduated in '62."
"This is unbelievable!" the first man says. "I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!"
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender.
"Nothing much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins
are drunk again."
17 worm jokes
were placed into four separate jars
The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day: The first worm - dead. Second worm - dead. Third worm - dead. Fourth worm - alive.
Lesson: As long as you drink, smoke and have sex
, you won't get worms!
3 lawyer jokesNext page Jokessecond sayings
While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted.
"My name is Joshua. What’s yours?" asked the first boy.
"Adam," replied the second.
is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Joshua.
Adam proudly replied, "My daddy is a lawyer
?" asked Joshua.
"No, just the regular kind," replied Adam.