Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"38 Spanking Jokes
What do blondes and turtles have in common?18 Blonde Jokes
When they are on their backs they are screwed.
A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease. "Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"39 Cow Jokes
"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"
"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"
"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"
"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"
"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"
A guy walks into a bar and sees a gorgeous babe nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says, "Hi, there, good looking'! How's it going'?"24 Lawyer Jokes
She, having already downed a few power drinks, turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said: "Listen! I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, front door, back door, it doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat-ass love it!"
Eyes now wide with interest, he responded, "No kidding! I'm a lawyer, too! What firm are you with?
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.46 Government JokesNext page Jokes
A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.