9 jokes about scares3
wasn't getting good marks in school
. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades
, somebody is going to get a spanking
Two men were walking home after a party
and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery
just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death
... we thought you were a ghost
! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner.6
The first Pastor said: "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my church. I've tried everything. Noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away."
The second Pastor then said: "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I've set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won't go away."
With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said: "I had the same problem so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church ... Haven't seen one back since!"
A little boy
is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher
says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds
sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"
The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"
The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question. There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"
The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."
To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"