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Sam jokes

70 jokes about sam



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A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where've you been? I haven't seen you around here much."

The twenty answered, "I've been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"

The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff ... church, church, church."

29     church jokes


An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long aligator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the aligator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

27     shoe jokes


Why do they say 'Amen' at the end of a prayer instead of 'Awomen'?

The same reason they sing Hymns instead of Hers!

18     hymn jokes


A Televangelist a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said: "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," chimed the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. The Rabbi replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that this is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door, "What's wrong, now?" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I too am grateful for your helping us out but there is a cow in the barn and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that leaves only the Televangelist to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Yep, you guessed it! Moments later there was another knock on the farmers door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

24     rabbi jokes


Proposal

Two men Tom and Paul are chatting as they work.

Tom says: "I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week."

Paul: "Ooh!"

Tom: "For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?"

Paul: "No."

Tom: "He's the inventor of the phone in 1876. If you take night courses you would know this."

The next day, the same discussion took place.

Tom: "Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?"

Paul: "No."

Tom: "He's the author of 'The 3 Musketeers'! If you take night courses, you would know this."

The next day, once again:

Tom: "And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?"

Paul: "No"

Tom: "He's the author of 'Confessions', if you take night courses, you would know this."

This time, Paul got irritated and said: "And you, do you know who John Smith is?"

Tom: "No"

Paul: "He's the guy roaming with your wife! If you stop night courses, you would know!"

6     Short jokes






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