71 jokes about sam
31 marriage jokes
was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant.
"So," said the counsellor, "you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally."
flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money
"Yes," said the counsellor. "He gets $2,000. You get $2,000."
"What about my furniture? I paid for that."
"Same thing," answered the counsellor. "Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen."
There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye. "What about our three children?"
That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer. "Go back and live together until your fourth
child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two."
The wife shook her head. "No, I'm sure that wouldn't work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn't have the three I got."
29 baby jokes
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital
after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse
walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father
The man replied, "How about that, I work
for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
29 wife jokes
left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday
, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting
with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife
and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.
Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye
20 hymn jokes
Why do they say 'Amen
' at the end of a prayer
instead of 'Awomen'?
The same reason they sing Hymns
instead of Hers!
23 lawyer jokesNext page Jokes
A man, called to testify at the IRS
, asked his accountant
for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper."
Then he asked his lawyer
the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his rabbi
, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.
The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"
"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed