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Two blondes were in a bar watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge that was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said Betty.

"Bet you $10 he won't," replied Amber. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second blonde hands the first her money.

"I can't take your money," said Betty. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news."

"No, no. Take it," said Amber. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

45     → Joke


A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him, "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

35     → Joke


A man inserted an advertisement in the classifieds "Wife Wanted".

The next day, he received hundreds of replies, all reading the same thing: "You can have mine."

41     → Joke


A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can't believe what he just saw. He's more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, "How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we're hundreds of feet above the ground!"

The jumper responds by slurring, "Well, I don't get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch." He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn't slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. "You're really an asshole when you're drunk, Superman."

17     → Joke


Proposal

Three Pastors were having lunch together at a diner.

The first Pastor said: "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with mice in my church. I've tried everything. Noise, spray, cats. Nothing seems to scare them away."

The second Pastor then said: "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in the basement of the church. I've set traps and even called an expert to get rid of them, yet they still won't go away."

With a grin on his face, the third Pastor said: "I had the same problem so I baptized all mine and made them members of the church ... Haven't seen one back since!"

11     → Joke


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