Two fat blokes
sitting in a pub
, one say to the other, "Your round!"
The other replies, "So are you, you fat bastard!"
There were three boys in a classroom: one named Zip, Dick
, and Pea. Their teacher leaves the room for a moment, so Zip gets on top of the cupboard, Dick goes inside the cupboard, and Pea jumps around outside.
The teacher returns and yells: "Zip down, Dick out, and Pea in the corner!"
A lonely woman
, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old
woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man
smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"