49 jokes about rinks
10 man jokes
was on a walking holiday
. He became thirsty so decided to ask at a home for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig
running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."
9 cockpit jokes
As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight
attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell and crew take you safely to your destination."
Joe sitting in the 8th row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right - is the captain a woman
? I think I better have scotch
When the attendants came by with drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female
"My God," said Joe, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit
"That's another thing," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cockpit."
9 light bulb jokes
How many Irishmen
does it take to change a lightbulb
10. One to hold the bulb in place and 9 to drink
until the room spins.
3 mommy mommy jokes
, Mommy! what's a vampire
"Shut up and drink your soup before it clots!"
10 condom jokesNext page Jokes
A man walked into a bar
after just being dumped. The person serving at the time was a woman. She kept on giving him free drinks the whole night. When the bar had closed she went up to him and asked if he wanted to go upstairs for a quicky. He of course said yes and they went upstairs.
When they got there the women asked if he had any protection. He didn't have any and answered no. So she told him there was a chemist across the road and gave him $ 1.
When he got to the chemist there were a selection of condoms
to choose from:
There was a tramp one for 50 p.
There was an apple
flavoured one for $ 1.
And there was a metal one for $ 1.50.
As he only had one pound the man bought the apple flavoured one.
During the the night of fun the condom slipped and the lady got pregnant
. The couple married and raised a son.
When he was 5 years old, he went up to his dad and cried: "Daddy why do I have green arms? This is not fair."
To this the dad replied: "I would count yourself lucky my son. If I would have had an extra 50 p you would have been Robo-Cop"