53 jokes about rinks
One day a rather inebriated ice fisherman
drilled a hole in the ice and peered into the hole and a loud voice said, "There are no fish
He walked several yards away and drilled another hole and peered into the hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He then walked about 50 yards away and drilled another hole and again the voice said, "There's no fish down there."
He looked up into the sky and asked, "God
, is that you?"
"No, you idiot," the voice said, "it's the rink manager."
were sharing drinks while discussing their wives
"Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?" .
"Well ... not exactly." his friend replied, "She's more into the trick dog
aspect of it."
"Oh, I see, kinky, huh?"
"Well ... not exactly ... I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead."
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling
or playing basketball at the gym. His wife
thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.11 Proposal
The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.
The chief screams, "What are you doing?"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, asshole!"
A man walks into a bar and asks for the strongest drink they have.4
the bartender says to the man 'bad day, huh?'
the man replies, 'yeah, i just found out my oldest son is gay'
the next day the man walks into the bar again and asks for a double of what he had the last time the bartender goes 'bad day again mate?'
the man replies 'yep, just found out my youngest son is gay'
a week after this the man walks into the bar again and asks for triple of his last drink the bartender is shocked and asks 'doesn't anyone in your family like chicks?'
'YEAH' says the man, 'MY WIFE!'