Why do violists
leave their instrument cases on the dashboards of their cars?
1) So they can park in "handicapped
" parking places.
2) If someone mistakes them for mafia
, they might get some respect.
HOW TO IMPRESS
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.
HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN
... with beer
: "What kind of person is your new boyfriend
? Is he respectable?"
"Of course he is, Mom. He's thrifty, doesn't drink or smoke, has a very nice wife and three well-behaved children
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist
, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide
The pharmacist asked: "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied: "I need it to poison my husband
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law? I'll lose my licence! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture
of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied: "You didn't tell me you had a prescription