Real - 93 jokes
35 doctor jokes
One night a man
and a woman
are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors
. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.
So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they have sex
for an hour or so.
Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon
, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist
aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
32 sex jokes
who had spent years showing a tribe of natives how to farm and build things to be selfsufficient gets word that he is to return home.
He realizes that the one thing he never taught the natives was how to speak English, so he takes the chief and starts walking in the forest. He points to a tree
and says to the chief: "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts: "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the padre points to a rock and says: "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts: "Rock."
The padre is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple in the midst of heavy romantic activity. The padre is really flustered and quickly responds: "Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blow gun and kills them!
The padre goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind to each other! How could he just kill these people in cold blood that way?
The chief replied: "My bike."
31 death jokes
study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death
. The leader of the discussion said, " We will all die some day, and none of us really know when, but if we did we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event."
"Everybody shook their heads in agreement with this comment."
Then the leader said to the group, "What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life
remaining before your death, and then the Great Judgment Day?"
A gentleman said, "I would go out into my community and minister the Gospel to those that have not yet accepted the Lord into their lives."
"Very good!", said the group leader, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
One lady spoke up and said enthusiastically, "I would dedicate all of my remaining time to serving God, my family, my church
, and my fellow man with a greater conviction."
"That"s wonderful!" the group leader commented, and all the group members agreed, that would be a very good thing to do.
But one gentleman in the back finally spoke up loudly and said, "I would go to my mother-in-laws house for the 4 weeks."
Everyone was puzzled by this answer, and the group leader ask, "Why your mother-in-law
"Because that will make it the longest 4 weeks of my life!"
Jesus31 Jesus jokes
came across an adulteress
crouching in a corner with a crowd around her preparing to stone
her to death. Jesus stopped them and said, "Let he who is without sin
cast the first stone."
Suddenly a woman at the back of the crowd fired off a stone at the adulteress. At which point Jesus looked over and said, "Mother
! Sometimes you really tick me off!"
31 fishing jokesNext page Jokesreal sayings
"Do you really believe your husband
when he tells you he goes fishing
every weekend?" asked Jane's best friend.
"Why shouldn't I?" said Jane.
"Well, maybe he is having an affair
"No way" said Jane "he never returns with any fish