50 jokes about rates
11 phone jokes
An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone
rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.
He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
13 microsoft jokes
What is the difference between Jurassic Park
One is an over-rated high tech theme park based on prehistoric information and populated mostly by dinosaurs
, the other is a Steven Spielberg movie
9 golf jokes
stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner
nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife
is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
"Forget it, man
," said his partner, "you don't stand a snowball
's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
2 businessman jokesProposal
US Airways recently introduced a special half fare for wives
who accompanied their husbands
on business trips
Expecting valuable testimonials, the PR department sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen
who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.
Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
Men wake up as good looking as they went to bed.0 Short jokes Jokes
Women somewhat deteriorate during the night.