49 jokes about rates
31 → Joke
Do you know what the death
rate around here is?
One per person
58 → Joke
today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle
to a condom
because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.
A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.Damn
, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.
39 → Joke
A little girl
was talking to her teacher
. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah
was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven
I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell
?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him"
42 → Joke
walked into a bar
and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, ok, but what about that hook
? "What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them shit
in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird shit."
"It was my first day with the hook."
50 → JokeNext page Back to home
and a woman
were waiting at the hospital
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood
. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm
, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways.
Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.
Man: "Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] "Unh unh."