119 jokes about rats
15 stork jokes
A boy is writing a paper on childbirth
and asks his parents: "How was I born?"
His mother awkwardly answers: "The stork
"Oh," says the boy. "Well, how were you and Daddy born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us, too, and Grandpa and Grandma."
The boy begins his paper: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
29 doctor jokes
An elderly couple is going to their doctor
for a checkup. The man goes in first. "How're you doing?" asks the doctor. "Pretty good," answers the old man. "I'm eating well, and I'm still in control of my bowels and bladder. In fact, when I get up at night to pee
, the good Lord turns the light on for me."
The doctor decides not to comment on that last statement, and goes into the next room to check on the man's wife. "How're you feeling?" he asks. "I'm doing well," answers the old woman. "I still have lots of energy and I'm not feeling any pain." The doctor says, "That's nice. It sounds like you and your husband
are both doing well.
One thing though - your husband said that when he gets up to pee at night, the good Lord turns the light on for him. Do you have any idea what he means?" "Oh No," says the woman, "He's peeing in the refrigerator
11 mormons jokes
A Mormon was seated next to an Irishman
on a flight from London. After the plane was airborne, drink
orders were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him.
The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores
than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me,
too, I didn't know we had a choice
28 baby jokes
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital
after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse
walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father
The man replied, "How about that, I work
for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
22 lawyer jokesNext page Jokes
charged with assault
and battery insisted at his trial
that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor
to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer
, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.
He then faced judge
and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."