At the nursing home, Abe and Edna had struck up a romantic relationship. Since both of them were in their eighties, their physical contact was rather limited. However, every evening as they sat together on the sofa, Edna would unzip Abe's fly, pull out his penis and hold it in her hand for twenty minutes. This satisfied the two of them adequately.20 Parkinson's Jokes
One day, Abe told Edna it was all off. He told her he was leaving her for Mabel - one of the other old dears at the nursing home. Naturally, Edna was a little miffed.
"Heavens! What's she got that I haven't got?'' she asks.
''Parkinson's,'' said Abe.
A man had just been laid off from work. He was standing on the railing of a high bridge getting ready to jump off, when he happened to look down and see a little man with no arms dancing all around on the river bank below.26 Asshole Jokes
He thought, "Life isn't so bad after all," and got off the railing.
He then walked down to the river bank to thank the little man for saving his life.
"Thank you," he said. "I was going to jump off that bridge and kill myself, but when I saw you dancing even though you have no arms, I changed my mind."
"Dancing? I'm not dancing!" the armless man replied bitterly ... "My asshole itches, and I can't scratch it!"
Two frat boys were stranded at sea in a life boat. On the 4th day, a mermaid came up out of the water and offered them one wish to save their lives.25 Beer Jokes
The frat boys thought about it and one shouted out,"I wish the ocean was a sea of beer." And it happened.
A litle while later the other one shouted,"Great, now we have to pee in the boat!"
A Chinese family of 5, named Chu, Bu, Hu, Su and Fu decided to immigrate to the United States.12 Chinese Jokes
In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards.
Chu became Chuck.
Bu became Buck.
Hu became Huck.
Su and Fu decided to stay in China!
A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim "a little bit". When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels and flung him over the table.22 Lawyer Jokes
He then faced judge and jury and calmly declared, "I would say it was about one-tenth that hard."