The National Institutes of Health
have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys
. They have given three reasons for this decision:
1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that even rats won't do.
What did one lab
rat say to the other?
I've got my scientist
so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack.
A guy has a business trip to China. While he's there he has fun with lots Chinese ladies of the evening. After coming back home to the US, he notices his penis is getting funny looking green rings around it and blue and red spots too. He goes to his PCP and the doctor does some tests. He says, "I'm afraid we'll have to amputate your penis!" The guy refuses and goes to another doctor, who tells him the same thing. After trying a few more doctors, he thinks, "Wait a minute, I got this in China, I'll go to a Chinese doctor, he'll be able to help me!" So he goes to Dr. Long Wang. Dr Wang looks at the guy's member and says, "Oh, you got Chinese dick disease. No worry!" The guy breathes a huge sigh of relief! He says, "Wow, I'm so glad! All the other doctors over here I went to said they wanted to amputate it!" Dr. Wang exclaimed, "Ah yes, American doctors always want to operate! No worry! In 3 weeks penis turn black fall off by self!" ~ I hates bill gates1
Bob works hard and spends most evenings bowling
or playing basketball at the gym. His wife
thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.
She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."
A young boy and his grandfather
one afternoon, after a couple of hours of fishing, the grandfather opened a can of beer
, the grandson
noticed and asked, "Grandpa, can I have a sip of your beer?" His grandfather looked at him and said, "Grandson, Is your penis
long enough to touch your ass?" The grandson replied, "No!"
"Then you're not old enough.", said the grandfather.
A couple of more hours went by, and the grandfather lit a cigarette. Again the grandson noticed and asked, "Grandpa, can I have a cigarette"? The grandfather replied, "Is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" Again the grandson replied, "No!"
"Well you're not big enough to smoke yet.", said the grandfather.
About an hour had passed and it began to get late, so the grandfather decided to pack it up and head for home. On their way home they stopped at a store, grandpa bought two lottery tickets and gave his grandson one. Grandpa scratched his off, but didn't win anything, The grandson scratched his off and won $10,000. Grandpa was all happy and surprised that his grandson had won and he asked, "Are you going to give some of that money to grandpa?" The boy looked at him and replied, "Grandpa, is your penis big enough to touch your ass?" Grandpa looked at him for a moment, then replied, "YES!"
"Good, then go fuck
yourself!", said the grandson.