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Rat jokes

125 jokes about rats



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The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision:

1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that even rats won't do.

12     → Joke


What did one lab rat say to the other?

I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack.

11     → Joke


The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.

64     → Joke


Mom took Little Johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis.

Doctor: "How did such a thing happen?"

Johnny: "It's that damn neighbor girl, Susie. Her braces are too darned sharp."

58     → Joke


Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard him say:

"One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
"Three and three"

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him. His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework.

The next day she stormed into Little Johnny's classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. She told her about Little Johnny's different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.

The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn't understand why Little Johnny had said that. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say: one and one, the sum-of-which is two!"

61     → Joke


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