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children,dog
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly".

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"

"Yes", the boy's mother answered.

"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Who cares?" the mother replied.

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Psychiatrist: "What's your problem?"

Patient: "I think I'm a chicken."

Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?"

Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"

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eggs

money
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

10    


Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me", she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see", nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter".

"No!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"

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Proposal

Oprah went to her psychiatrist. The guy was sort of unconventional and sometimes told her to do bizarre things. Today he told her to strip down naked and get on all fours in his office. She complied. He then told her to crawl on over under the window near his plant. She wondered why, but did it. He then asked her to crawl over near the corner by his book shelf, which she did. After he kept telling her to crawl naked in various places in his office and her knees were getting rug burns, she finally asked him, "Doctor, is this some sort of new therapy?" He said, "No Oprah, it's just that I'm getting a new brown leather couch tomorrow and I want to see where I should put it."     ~ I hates Bill Gates

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