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Police jokes

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A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them.

The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"

The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."

22     → Joke


Proposal

A woman and a man driver are involved in a horrific collision, but amazingly both escape completely unhurt – though their cars are written off.

As they crawl out of the wreckage, the man sees the woman is blonde and strikingly beautiful. Then the woman turns to the man and gushes breathily: ‘That’s incredible both our cars are demolished but we’re fine.

It must be a sign from God that we are meant to be together!’

Sensing a promise, the man stammers back, ‘Oh yes, I agree with you completely!’

The woman goes on, ‘And look, though my car was destroyed, this bottle of wine survived intact, too! It must be another sign. Let’s drink to our love!’

‘Well, OK!’ says the man, going with the moment. She offers him the bottle, so he downs half of it and hands it back.

‘Your turn,’ says the man.

‘No, thanks,’ says the woman, ‘I think I’ll just wait for the police.’

4     → Joke


Proposal

A man stumbles out of a bar. The police car over the road watches as he sluggishly moved across the car park after much effort finds his truck and falls in. Several other people came out got into their cars and drove away. The man slumps on his horn setting off his lights. The last of the people left the car park leaving the truck only. He starts the truck up and starts to pull away. He is immediately stopped. After breatherlyser he was found to have no alcohol in his system. ‘You will have to come down the station as this is obviously broke’ says policeman. ‘Doubt it sir’ says the man.
‘Why’s that ?’ Says policeman.
The man replies ‘I’m the designated decoy’

2     → Joke


A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driver's license.

The motorist digs around in her purse but can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home, officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?"

The motorist searches her purse again and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself."

The cop says, "Let me see." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I'd known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

3     → Joke


In Heaven:

The cooks are French,
The policemen are English,
The mechanics are German,
The lovers are Italian,
The bankers are Swiss.


In Hell:

The cooks are English,
The policemen are German,
The mechanics are French,
The lovers are Swiss,
The bankers are Italian.

26     → Joke



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