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Police jokes

51 jokes about police



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A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club.

Police are looking into it.

18     → Joke


What not to say to the nice policeman:

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

8     → Joke


A policeman pulls a driver over for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow into a breathalyzer.

"I can't do that, officer, I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

"OK, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."

"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."

"Alright, we could get a blood sample."

"Can't do that either, officer. I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood, I could die."

"Fine then, just walk this white line."

"Can't do that either, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."

10     → Joke


What not to say to the nice policeman:

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

12     → Joke


What not to say to the nice policeman:

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

23     → Joke


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