Please - 50 jokes
11 lawyer jokes
cross-examined the adversary
's main witness
. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?"
, your honor," shouted the other lawyer.
There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question
was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge
"So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?"
"Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."
3 mother-in-law jokesProposal
A guy brings his dog
into the vet
and says, "Could you please cut my dog's tail
The vet examines the tail and says, "There is nothing wrong. Why would you want this done?"
The man replies, "My mother-in-law
is coming to visit, and I don't want anything in the house to make her think that she is welcome
Natalie had three very active young sons and they were quite a handful. One summer evening she was playing cowboys and Indians with them in her front garden when one of the boys "shot" her and shouted "Bang! You're dead, Mum," so Natalie fell down.3 Short jokes
Her next door neighbour had been watching all this and when Natalie didn't get up straight away, he ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall.
When the neighbour bent over her, Natalie opened one eye and said to him, "Shhh. Please don't give me away, it's the only chance I've had to have a rest all day."
6 golf jokes
It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Jim
was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse
loudspeaker: "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee
please back up to the men
's tee, please!"
Jim was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women
's tee kindly back up the men's tee!"
Jim had had enough. He shouted: "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"
13 doctor jokesNext page Jokes
, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner
with my mother-in-law
and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter.' But instead I said: 'You silly cow
, you have completely ruined my life'."