jokes4all.net

Please jokes

Please - 49 jokes



Search




A patient says: "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter.' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life'."

16     → Joke


With all your honor and dignity, what would you do? Please don't answer without giving it serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately.

You're in Florida ... in Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a news photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is - it's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

And here's the question (please give an honest answer):

Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

8     → Joke


Proposal

Natalie had three very active young sons and they were quite a handful. One summer evening she was playing cowboys and Indians with them in her front garden when one of the boys "shot" her and shouted "Bang! You're dead, Mum," so Natalie fell down.

Her next door neighbour had been watching all this and when Natalie didn't get up straight away, he ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall.

When the neighbour bent over her, Natalie opened one eye and said to him, "Shhh. Please don't give me away, it's the only chance I've had to have a rest all day."

2     → Joke


It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Jim was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"

Jim was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement: "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up the men's tee!"

Jim had had enough. He shouted: "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!"

5     → Joke


Golf rules for beginners:

1) Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2) Form a loose grip.
3) Keep your head down.
4) Avoid a quick back swing.
5) Stay out of the water.
6) Try not to hit anyone.
7) If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8) Don't stand directly in front of others.
9) Quiet please ... while others are preparing to go.
10) Don't take extra strokes.

Now, that's very good. Flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.

11     → Joke




Next page   Back to home