Please - 53 jokes
11 → Joke
cross-examined the adversary
's main witness
. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?"
, your honor," shouted the other lawyer.
There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question
was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge
"So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?"
"Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home."
17 → Joke
, a pastor
was leading the house in prayer. He said, "God
, please protect your believers, and deliver us from sin."
stood up and said, "What have you done for me lately?"
8 → Joke
With all your honor and dignity, what would you do? Please don't answer without giving it serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately.
You're in Florida ... in Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a news photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos
. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power.
Suddenly you see a man in the water, fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.
Suddenly you know who it is - it's George W. Bush!
At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.
And here's the question (please give an honest answer):
Would you select color film
, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?
10 → JokeProposal
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces
us to the terminal."
A passenger plane was flying over a desert when one engine broke down and the plane crashed.3 → Joke
One man survived and decided that not knowing when help would arrive, he needed to prepare himself for surviving.
After three months the man had settled in quite nicely, built him a shelter, had a steady food supply and found a water hole.
Also at this water hole he came across a lone camel staying by the water hole, and accepted this camel as his 'company'.
For another three months this went on until the man was starting to get bored with the life he had made for himself in the desert, and as with any man, the man had been raunchy for quite a while now, until one day, whilst looking at the camel, considered it ... and had a go but failed in his attempt.
This was the case every day for the following three months, with the man getting to an uncontrollable state of raunchiness, when another plane crashed near where the man was staying, he rushed to the scene to find a sole survivor, a beautiful young French female model.
The man helped the lady to his home where he fed her, gave her water and started telling his whole story about living in the desert.
As night fell and the man went on telling his story, the model got more and more amazed at this man's story, and by the time the man was had finished, the woman had even fallen in love, and with their romantic atmosphere asked him that for all of his troubles and kindness, there surely was something she could do for him??
... After thinking for a while the man agreed and pointed at the camel saying "I've been trying for three months now, I would really appreciate it if you could please hold the camel still!"