jokes4all.net

Please jokes

Please - 54 jokes



Search




Proposal

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him, of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said: "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carolyn agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realised he now had only eight hours of life left.

He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said: "Honey? Please Just one more time.
She agreed, then afterward she rolled and fell asleep."

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until it was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we ...?".

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said: "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny but I have to get up in the morning and go to work while you don't!."

5     → Joke


A blonde walks into a shop and gets one of the staff to help her find a TV. She finds one and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"

Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"

Blonde: "Wait here!" She runs of, dyes her hair black and comes back in and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"

Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"

Now the blonde is getting confused so she goes and dyes her hair red and comes back in and says: "Can I buy that TV please?"

Staff guy: "No I don't serve blondes!"

Blonde: "Why do you keep on calling me a blonde?"

Staff guy: "Because that's not a TV that's a microwave!"

9     → Joke


A cowboy was riding accross the plain when he heard shouting from a nearby house. So he went over to investigate and after searching the house, found a young maiden lying naked in bed, with her four limbs tied to the bed corners.

"Oh thank god" she cried: "you have got to help me, two men came by and killed my husband then took it in turn to ravish me before stealing all our money, help me please!"

The cowboy thought for a second, then as he unzipped his fly and took down his trousers he said: "Maam, this just aint your lucky day!"

25     → Joke


A general store owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt [or general lack thereof] and the location of the raisin bread, he has a brilliant idea.

"Id like some raisin bread please", the man says politely. The female clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man standing almost directly beneath her is provided with an excellent view, just as he surmised he would be.

Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get two loaves as he's having company for dinner. As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices whats going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the ladder the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male customer. Pretty soon each male patron is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.

After many trips shes tired, irritated and thinking that she is really going to have to try this bread for herself!

Finally, once again atop the ladder, she stops and fumes, glaring at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd staring up at her. Thinking to save herself a trip, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours raisin too?"

"No," croaks the old man "... But its startin to twitch."

13     → Joke


Proposal

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says: "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started".

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger".

He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then" he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

2     → Joke




Next page   Back to home