Please - 54 jokesProposal
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.13 → Joke
The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.
The chief screams, "What are you doing?"
The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, asshole!"
28 → Joke
comes into a hardware
"May I help you ma'am?"
"Yes, please, I need a three inch door
"Do you wanna screw for it?"
"No thanks," she responds, "but I'll blow you for that clock radio over there."
31 → Joke
On little Larry
's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher
came into the room and said, "I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!"
The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat.
Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, "I don't belong here, I should be in the third grade!"
Larry did this a few more times before the principal
came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem. The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged. Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.
The teacher suggested they try some biology questions ... "What does a cow have 4 of but a woman
has only 2?" asked the teacher.
!" Larry immediately replied. "What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn't?" asked the teacher.
!" said Larry.
The teacher looked at the principal, who said, "Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!"
38 → JokeProposal
doctor; I only got sixty seconds to live ..."
"Can you wait there for a minute
Little Johnny's family is sitting at the dinner table.5 → Joke
Father: "Can you please pray for dinner!"
Little Johnny: "Dear God. Please, please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Dad’s computer. Amen!"